Mr. Rusty to the rescue!

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Christmas is coming!, oh God!!!. Children giving lists, inlaws preparing to visit, drink and booze to sort out. What about your car? My mate Mr. Rusty, a world famous Brechin City fan is having real trouble with his morris minor and can't get parts, how is he going to get to Glasgow for Hogmany??

While drinking a bottle of Merlot and eating some pork pie he decided to sell his car and get something a bit more modern, he offered to buy my Astra for £795, Ok I said but it will need some wiper blades and a good clean. He said he was surfing the web and a site called emart.co.uk. sold him blades and a rechargable vacuum all for less than £40!!

I am using the money to finance my christmas and laugh at Mr.Rusty in his bright orange Astra.

Anyway enough of this nonsense,
Come on Chasetown/Australia/Spain/Czech Republic.

Billy

England,England,England,England

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Well what is going on? Football, Rugby, Rugby League and Golf. England win the lot!!!!!
What a terrible weekend for a Scotsman! (1-1 versus USA). Scotland have now moved up to 64th in the world rankings, great effort.
I was so depressed on Saturday night I had to open a bottle of Argentinian Malbec and some jamon, jalopeno peppers and watch X factor! (Why did Maria have to go?).
Don't think England will fare as well next week against the mighty All Blacks.
New Zealand, a great wine country, Sauvignon Blanc is quite superb, let me know if you like it and I will let you know where you can find a good supplier.

Anyway enough of this nonsense,
Please return a blog and let me know if there is another sport that England could be good at!!??

Billy

It's all in a name

Hi,Hi,Hi
Frances has been trying to get a name for 2 hours!!!, all begining with the letter 'L'
I'm going to get in touch with vivid movies, they have a new recruit.
I thought girls from the USA were sweet and easy going, wow! how wrong can you be.
Can't wait to see her first blog, could be her last!!!

Anyway, enough of this nonsense

Billy

London, London 7 years of bad luck or East End Heaven

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Well done Seb Coe & Co!!!! Have a Singapore Sling on Billy. Please, oh please can I see the look on Jacques Chirac's face, I wonder if he will now love British food, wine, cows and farmers?
Will David Beckham's manor be able to cope? Stratford, a lovely place already, I hope that it is not ruined by trendy apartment blocks and riverside single upwardly mobile flats.

In my homeland, Scotland, we are being invaded by an unruly, arrogent, lazy, corrupt & dishonest group of individuals staying at Gleneagles as well as anarcharists, greenies and Bob Geldof!!!!, will Edinburgh survive?, perhaps we need a change of Olympic venue. Could Seb Coe & Co take over the Kyoto climate change negotiations now that he won't have anything to do for 7 years? Climate change, who needs it?? Obviously not Jay Doublyaa.

Stephen Gerrard now staying at Liverpool, oh no he's not, oh yes he is! Does anyone except Scoucers and sportastic really care? �G100K A WEEK, I'm not taking a drop in salary just to kick a football around a rundown establishment in Stanley Park.

Anyway enough of this nonsense
Speak to you again real soon ( I had to put that in for my American friend, tough on New York, so good the IOC rejected it twice)

Billy

Where have I been???

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Well I'm back, thank you all for your kind words stressing how much I've been missed.

Where have I been? I went wine sampling in Spain, I know, but someone has got to do it.
What did I miss? Live8, I was one of only 316,435 worldwide who actually missed it!
British Lions, missed it!, How will Alaister Campbell spin his way out of that total farce?
Wimbledon, missed it!, Roger what a magican, Sampras's record of 7 singles titles could be under threat.
French Grand Prix, missed it!, who won?, who cares?
European Open Golf, missed it!, Thomas Bjorn took 11 shots on one hole, He needs lessons from Billy (special rates available on request)
Las Vegas Open Darts, missed it!, Phil Taylor wins again, for a little fat bloke he is a real superstar.
What did I not miss? Fantastic Spanish wine!!!!
There are some great things happening in the vineyards of this proud nation, Rose do die for, buttery chardonnay and some fab new varieties bursting onto the scene, I tried loads, only from a professional propective of course and enjoyed 98% of them.
I am sure that Spain will re-establish itself very soon until then,

Enough of this nonsense
Great to be back

Billy

A knight of the realm or a knight's tale?

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Well Jonny at inside centre!!!!! What's going on? I am aware that everybody hates the Welsh (except Billy, who loves everybody) but such a blatent rebuff of the talented, superfit (some would say gorgeous) Billy would not comment because He is not gay, Mr Hanson. What has he done wrong? I know that he is going out with Charlotte Church but really Sir Clive, it could have been sporty spice!

Eight England players from the World Cup, Is Sir Clive trying to join Southampton early?
No Scots lads, he won't be going to Edinburgh for Hogmany this year.

Billy will be glued to the TV Saturday morning, let's hope the gamble pays off, if not, I will stay by the telephone and await the inevitable call.

What do you think the score will be? Blog me back with a witty ditty and let me know.
I think 20-12 to the All Blacks.

The Rioja was delivered today and I got a free corkscrew, so at least I will be able to drown my sorrows in the customary manner.

Anyway, enough of this nonsense
Have a great weekend

Billy

Hi,Hi,Hi,
Tesco must sell 4 quad million litres of fuel per day, how unfortunate then that on our return from our gastronomic Chinese feast (see previous brilliant blog!) we approached the 24 hour, yes 24 hour station at Solihull only to be told that 'we only have vapour left in the tanks and you can't have any!' I know that Ford are a very innovative company but I don't think that a 03 registered Focus is technologically advanced enough to run on vapour even if they could sell it.

23 minutes later and after some forceful, yet restrained dialogue from Jeanette to the tesco drone, �G2 of fuel was allowed into the zetec combustion engine.

The moral of this tale is quite profound, Is this a sign of things to come? Oil prices at record levels ($56 a barrel), OPEC reducing volumes, Russian Ogrichalarchs just keeping the stuff,
George Bush invading another 7 countries to guarantee supply to the USA, Global Warming impacting on future North Sea reserves or quite simply had they ran out of petrol? You be the judge.

Jeanette survived the whole ordeal intact, the Ford Focus, time will tell.

Anyway enough of this nonsense, I'm logging onto an online department store to buy a fab case of Rioja and snuggling down to watch Sir David Attenburgh's The Blue Planet.

Billy

A Blogging Feast

Hi,Hi,Hi,

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Enough of this nonsense,

Billy

Hi,Hi,Hi
Wednesday my mates and I were surfing and bought a leather helmet from Japan for a Harley Davidson and I went on an on line department store and got a barbie, half way through the Lions game on Sat am, it was delivered (offered the postie a beer, he declined). Saturday night, in the garden, a bit pissed, cooked standard fare and homemade chunky chips. Bit of bad news about the neighbours, after polishing off a bottle of Pimms, I set fire to his tree that overhangs the garden wall!!!!, tried to put the fire out with a cheap bottle of South African Chenin Blanc, failed miserably, I will never buy that again, ice bucket came to the rescue, job done.
Sunday, we all went to the park for an afternoon of rock, 30 degrees, a few lobsters around, music was fab, hot dogs and ice cream were crap!
The food was so bad we had to finish off the bloody chenin blanc!!
Got back home in enough time to see Cambell win the US Open golf, great weekend.

Anyway enough of this nonsense,
Have a great week

Billy